Research

I’m one of those people who are a little bit scared of life, and like to think about things a lot. Consequently I have a degree, two masters degrees, and a phd. All of which exposed me to learning a lot of things that mostly made me feel upset about the world. I don’t think studying is a particularly good thing to do if you are a bit morose to begin with. Try learning about social inequality and environmental destruction among other things, and then switch your attention to learning how to cope with depression. Nevertheless, as someone wise once said ‘love the oven that baked you’. And that’s how it’s been. I’ve done a lot of reading and studying, and it has shaped me, along with everything else in my life. I started this blog when I was doing my phd, which I started, quit, and came back to because I couldn’t quite let go and couldn’t think of anything better to do at the time. In the end, in sort of a panic as I only had two years of funding left and I needed to decide on what I was doing, I decided to study an eco village called Lammas in Pembrokeshire, Wales, because that’s what I was feeling inspired by. And I’m glad I did that (even if it took doing a PhD to get me involved). I might not have gone there otherwise (see above for being a bit scared of life, also related to not necessarily trusting my intuition/gut feelings). In hindsight I wish I’d done things all differently, not done a phd, written something soulful and beautiful and inspired instead, and gotten involved in doing rather than researching. But there’s no need to look back when I can look forwards, and that’s where I’m aiming now, albeit slowly and tentatively thanks to the encumbrance of a shell of worries about making money, being able to afford a place to live in, having a job that my family respects and so on and so forth. It’s not easy letting go, and making leaps. But I’ve done it a few times before, and I’ve never regretted letting go of anything. Onwards…